How to Support Anxious Kids

Anxiety in kids doesn’t always look the way we expect. Sometimes it shows up as stomachaches or meltdowns. Other times, it looks like perfectionism, people-pleasing, or refusing to go to school. For caregivers, it can be confusing and exhausting — especially when you just want to help your child feel okay again.

The truth is: anxious kids don’t need to be “fixed.” They need to feel safe, understood, and equipped with the tools to manage their big feelings. And the good news? With the right support, anxious kids can grow into emotionally attuned, resilient adults.

What Anxiety Can Look Like in Kids

Anxiety is a normal emotion — but when it becomes chronic, it can interfere with a child’s sense of safety and daily functioning. It’s also a master of disguise.

Here are some common signs of anxiety in children:

• Excessive worry (about school, family, the future, safety, etc.)
• Sleep troubles or frequent physical complaints (headaches, tummy aches)
• Avoidance of certain situations or people
• Clinginess or separation struggles
• Irritability, anger, or frequent outbursts
• Perfectionism or extreme fear of making mistakes
• Constant seeking of reassurance

Every child is different. Some kids internalize anxiety and become quiet or withdrawn. Others externalize it through big emotions and behaviour.

Why Anxious Kids Need Connection, Not Correction

It’s easy to slip into “fix-it” mode when a child is anxious. We want to reassure them, distract them, or get them to stop worrying. But anxiety isn’t logical — it’s protective. It’s the brain’s way of scanning for threat and trying to stay safe.

When we try to correct anxiety without first offering connection, children may feel misunderstood or ashamed. Instead, they need to know:

“It’s okay to feel this. I’m here with you.”

Co-regulation — the process of calming a child by staying calm and connected ourselves — is one of the most powerful tools we have.

How to Support an Anxious Child

1. Validate Before You Problem-Solve
   Instead of “You’re fine, don’t worry,” try:

“That sounds really hard. I can see how much that’s bothering you.”

2. Teach That Feelings Aren’t Dangerous
   Help kids learn to name their emotions and understand that feelings come and go like waves.

“Let’s notice what’s happening in your body right now — and breathe through it.”

3. Use Predictability and Routines
   Anxious kids feel safer when they know what to expect. Gentle structure can help reduce overwhelm and create a sense of control.
4. Model Your Own Coping Strategies
   Let them see you managing stress in healthy ways. Say things like:

“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.”

5. Avoid Excessive Reassurance
   Reassurance can feel good in the moment, but too much can reinforce anxiety. Try shifting to confidence:

“I believe you can handle this. I’m here if you need help.”

6. Seek Support When Needed
   If anxiety is affecting your child’s daily functioning or well-being, therapy can help. Play therapy, CBT, or family-based approaches can give kids (and parents) the tools they need.

A Final Word

Anxious kids aren’t being dramatic, difficult, or defiant — they’re doing their best to navigate a world that often feels too loud, too fast, or too uncertain. When we meet their worry with warmth, structure, and compassion, we give them the foundation they need to feel safe in their bodies, their relationships, and their world.

References:

Pegg, S., Hill, K., Argiros, A., Olatunji, B. O., & Kujawa, A. (2022).
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety Disorders in Youth: Efficacy, Moderators, and New Advances in Predicting Outcomes.Current Psychiatry Reports, 24(12), 853–859.
This comprehensive review consolidates findings from recent meta-analyses, affirming the efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in treating anxiety disorders among children and adolescents. The study emphasizes that CBT not only reduces anxiety symptoms but also lowers recurrence rates, making it a cornerstone in pediatric anxiety treatment. ​

Rienks, K., Salemink, E., Sigurðardóttir, L. B. L., Melendez-Torres, G. J., Staaks, J. P., & Leijten, P. (2025).
Supporting Parents to Reduce Children's Anxiety: A Meta-Analysis of Interventions and Their Theoretical Components.Behaviour Research and Therapy, 104692.
This meta-analysis examined the impact of parent-focused interventions on child anxiety. The findings suggest that when parents are equipped with strategies to manage their children's anxiety, there is a significant reduction in the children's anxiety symptoms, highlighting the importance of involving parents in the therapeutic process.