How to Support Someone in Their Grief

Grief is a deeply personal journey—and one that can feel lonely, confusing, and overwhelming. When someone we care about is grieving, it’s natural to want to help. But knowing how to support them can be difficult. We may worry about saying the wrong thing, or feel unsure of what’s truly helpful.

The truth is, grief cannot be fixed. But it can be witnessed, softened, and shared. Your presence—offered with gentleness and care—can make an immense difference.

1. Let Them Grieve in Their Own Way

Grief doesn’t follow a script. It’s not linear or predictable. People grieve in different ways depending on the relationship, the nature of the loss, their culture, personality, and past experiences. Some cry openly. Some withdraw. Some need to talk. Others need silence.

Support begins with accepting the uniqueness of their grief. Avoid comparing their experience to your own or suggesting how they "should" be coping. Instead, reflect back what you see: “This is really hard,” or “I can see how much you loved them.”

2. Show Up Consistently

You don’t need to have the perfect words. Your steady presence means more than you realize. Send a text. Drop off a meal. Sit quietly with them. Reach out even weeks or months after the funeral, when most people have moved on but the ache remains.

Grief often becomes lonelier over time. Let them know you haven’t forgotten.

3. Say Something—Even if You’re Unsure What

Silence can feel like abandonment. While many people avoid grieving friends for fear of saying the wrong thing, saying nothing at all can be more hurtful.

Instead of platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re in a better place,” try:

• “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
• “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
• “I’m thinking of you and holding space for your grief.”

It’s okay to acknowledge the awkwardness. Authenticity matters more than polish.

4. Offer Practical Help

Grief is exhausting—mentally, physically, emotionally. Everyday tasks can feel impossible. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering something concrete:

• “I can drop off groceries or walk the dog this week—what works best for you?”
• “I made extra soup—can I leave some on your porch?”
• “Would it help if I drove you to that appointment?”

Even small gestures lift a bit of the burden.

5. Respect Their Boundaries

Grief fluctuates. One day they may want company, and the next they may need space. Let them set the pace. If they don’t respond to a message, don’t take it personally. Just check in again later—gently, and without pressure.

Your goal isn’t to cheer them up. It’s to stay connected without invading. Grief asks for presence, not persuasion.

6. Remember Their Person

Grievers often fear that their loved one will be forgotten. Saying their name, sharing a memory, or asking, “What was their favorite thing to do?” can be deeply meaningful.

You’re not reminding them of the loss—they haven’t forgotten. You’re reminding them their person still matters.

7. Support Beyond the Funeral

In the weeks and months after a loss, grief changes—but it doesn’t disappear. Mark anniversaries, birthdays, and other firsts by checking in. Grief often becomes more intense with time, especially when the world assumes healing has already occurred.

A simple message—“Thinking of you today”—can go a long way.

A Final Thought

You can’t take away someone’s grief, but you can walk alongside them. You can bear witness to their pain without rushing them through it. You can be a quiet anchor in their storm.

In grief, what we need most is not someone to fix it—but someone to stay.