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One area of my clinical focus is working with clients who are involved in committed long term relationships. I am trained in Emotion-Focused Therapy, Imago Therapy, Gottman Therapy, and Crucible Therapy. I intentionally draw upon these modalities and their interventions, as I tailor my approach specifically to the needs of the relationship.
My approach to relationship thearapy tends to rely heavily on the work of Dr. David Schnarch highlighting the importance of partners maintaining individuality within the union. Each person strives to show up as their best version and someone they are truly proud of. Each person is ultimately responsible for their own self, they are also responsible for caring for the other, and taking care of the relationship.
Relationship therapy is the place where we create a safe and provocative environment for each individual to honesttly check "what is my part in this?"
Often, we find ourselves focused on blaming the other, when really all we can do is look at ourself and how we are showing up.
I work with partners to become a distinctive version of themselves while helping them to become more grounded, adaptive, creative, and mature as a couple. Most people are searching for ways to reconnect or to deepen their connection with themselves and with the other.
Relationship therapy can be about healing past hurts such as betrayal, infidelity, and trust, or moving away from abuse and towards respect. It can also be about expanding awareness of needs and desires of the other and of ourself. It can be about deepening the friendship and connection and it can be about remembering to play and to enjoy spontaneity.
A relationship dances between the need of security, stability and safety and the need for novelty, curiosity, exploration, risk taking and adventures. -Esther Perel
Common goals in our work together might include improving communication, exploring new strategies, practicing expression of expectations, managing co-created patterns of conflict, working on differentiation and how to be individuals within the relationship, sexuality, and repairing harms.
Partners want to feel satisfied in their connection. By nature, we are relational creatures, our whole life is a dialogue in which we express our thoughts, wishes, needs, hurts and we perceive what other people might need from us. In relationship, we are creating an awareness for the other that says, “I see you; I respect you; I care about you and what matters to you.”
Infidelity
Working through infidelity in couples therapy is complex, the treatment is individualized for the relationship and there is no one way to proceed. Several factors are considered when planning the course of action that is most appropriate for each partner and for the relationship. Repair work in a relationship does not have a time limit, healing is different for everyone.
RESOURCES
Websites
The Gottman Institute: Books, articles, podcasts, webinars, assessments and more.
Imago Therapy: Books, Courses, Workshops and more.
https://harvilleandhelen.com/initiatives/what-is-imago/
Esther Perel: Books, Articles, Games, Podcasts and more.
Books
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for Lifetime of Love
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown Spark.
Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a. New Harbinger Publications.
Perel, E., & Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity (p. 272). New York, NY: HarperCollins.
The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Perel, E. (2017). The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity-A book for anyone who has ever loved. Hachette UK.
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment how it can help you find and keep love
Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find--and keep--love. Penguin.
Getting the Love you Want, a Guide for Couples
Hendrix, Harville. Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. St. Martin's Griffin, 2007.
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
Fern, J. (2020). Polysecure: Attachment, trauma and consensual nonmonogamy. Thorntree Press LLC.
Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships
Fern, J (2023). Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships. Thorntree Press LLC.
More than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory
Veaux, F., Hardy, J., & Gill, T. (2014). More than two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory. Thorntree Press, LLC.
Carder, D. (2017). Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and how to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. Moody Publishers.
Dr. Kelly Casperson
https://www.instagram.com/kellycaspersonmd/
Dr. Mary Claire Haver
https://www.instagram.com/drmaryclaire/
Websites & Information
Menopause Foundation of Canada
https://menopausefoundationcanada.ca/
Menopause and U
Canadian Menopause Society
https://www.sigmamenopause.com/
The North American Menopause Society Website
https://www.menopause.org/for-women
International Menopause Society
Menopause Clinics
Mount Sinai Hospital Menopause Clinic
https://www.mountsinai.on.ca/care/womens-unit/menopause-clinic/about-menopause
Prosper Menopause Clinic
The Pause Life
Reading
The Menopause Guidebook. The North American Menopause Society 9th Addition.
https://www.menopause.org/publications/consumer-publications/-em-menopause-guidebook-em-9th-edition
The Menopause Manifesto: Own your health with facts and feminism
Gunter, J. (2021). The Menopause manifesto: Own your health with facts and feminism.
What the Fresh Hell Is This? Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You
Corinna, H. (2021). What Fresh Hell Is This?: Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities and You. Hachette UK.
The Complete Guide to the Menopause: Your Tool Kit to Take Control and Achieve Life-Long Health
Mukherjee, A. (2021). The Complete Guide to the Menopause: Your Toolkit to Take Control and Achieve Life-long Health. Random House.
Haver, M. C. (2023). The Galveston Diet: The Doctor-Developed, Patient-Proven Plan to Burn Fat and Tame Your Hormonal Symptoms. Rodale Books.
Estrogen Matters by Avrum Bluming et al
As a Sex Therapist, I help clients who want to enhance or heal their sexuality. I work with clients alone or with their partner(s).
Common issues in my therapy practice are desire discrepancies, out of control sexual behaviour, pain related to sex, sexual functioning challenges, and historical sexualized trauma.
Sex therapy addresses psychological, emotional, and relational issues. It's also important to collaborate with your medical provider to address possible physical issues or issues related to medication.
There are many benefits to sex therapy such as a more satisfying sex life, treatment of sexual problems, reduction of fears and anxiety, discovering the brain as a sexual organ and increased eroticism, enhanced intimacy, a deeper understanding of self and treatment of sexual trauma. I work with both individuals and couples, depending on the issue.
Resources
Pelvic Floor Physiotherapy
The Pelvic Health Clinic by Erika Burger Physiotherapy
Books
Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that will Transform Your Sex life by Emily Nagoski
The Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joannides et al
Sex Talks: The Five Conversations that will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa Marin
The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld
Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships by Juno Roche
Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen
Life, Reinvented: A Guide to Healing from Sexual Trauma for Survivors and Loved Ones by Erin Carpenter
Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction by Gary Wilson
Coping With Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex by Barry McCarthy and Michael Metz
Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex by Michael Metz
Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect byRuth Cohn
Contemporary Sex Therapy: Skills in Managing Sexual Problems by Cate Campbell
Sex Without Stress: A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure by Jessa Zimmerman
Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It by Dr. Laurie Mintz
Cracking the Erotic Code: Helping Gay Men Understand Their Sexual Fantasies by Joe Kort
Contemporary Male Sexuality: Confronting Myths and Promoting Change by Barry McCarthy
Couple Sexuality After 60 by Barry McCarthy
Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn Your Unfulfilling Marriage Into a Deeply Satisfying, Passionate Partnership by Alexandra Stockwell
Websites and Apps
Mojo.so Mojo is a sexual wellbeing platform for men which is providing an entirely pill free, digital solution to help men overcome common sexual issues including treat issues such as erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation, compulsive porn addiction, low libido and performance anxiety
https://start.omgyes.com/ OMGYes aims to educate its users (who might be owners of vulvas and vaginas themselves, or have partners who are, or both) to create better, more enjoyable orgasms. It uses sexual pleasure research to underpin the techniques, which focus on 12 key methods, including “edging”, “rhythm”, “multiples” and “staging"
Stores & Education
Gender-Related Resources
Nova Scotia Gender Affirming Care
Living the best version of yourself is about truly feeling comfortable in your own skin, expressing who you are, and living life on your own terms. It’s about really knowing yourself, intentionally creating your life, and choosing to self-direct.
Knowing yourself involves taking an inventory of what is truly important to you. Differentiating between the expectations of others-who others said you should be- and learning about your own values, needs, desires, motivations, and preferences.
Knowing yourself involves making sense of your past and healing emotional injuries. While there are things that are in our DNA such as generational trauma, systemic oppression, and the impact of racism (my writing here, is not intended to address these), there are other things we create and define as we learn and grow.
Intentionally creating your life is about being in the driver’s seat, instead of just going along for the ride. We go along for the ride when we give way to the expectations of others, the pressures of life, and allow problems to take the wheel. We are in the driver’s seat when we know ourselves, when we choose to create, and when we self-direct.
Living the best version of yourself is a continuous process of introspection, evaluation, shedding, and renewing. It’s a continual process of knowing and growing that will look different for everybody. It’s a process that never ends, it’s as personal as your fingerprint. There are many possibilities and teachers to engage with such as people, places, and experiences.
A big part of the journey is about letting go of resentment, unhealthy guilt, shame, and accepting yourself wholly and compassionately. It’s about figuring out where you stand on things and feeling at peace with the person you’ve become and continue to become. When we live in our integrity, we are aligned, and this is when we experience deep connection to self and others, as well as fulfillment and soul-level joy.
It’s okay not to have all the answers in the immediate future, you are working on knowing yourself, being the best version of yourself, and creating your best life for today and for tomorrow.
Some of My Favourite Reads
A Matter of Death and Life by Irvin D. Yalom
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Becoming Myself by Irvin D. Yalom
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
Creatures of a Day by Irvin D. Yalom
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
Follow Your North Star by Martha Beck
How We Live is How We Die by Pema Chodron
Letting Go by David Hawkins
Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie
Lighter by Yung Pueblo
Make Your Bed by Admiral William McRaven
Making Friends with Your Mind by Pema Chodron
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Start Where You Are by Pema Chodron
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Art of Happiness by Dalai Lama
The Compassion Book by Pema Chodron
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
The Seven Circles by Chelsey Luger
The Science of Stuck by Britt Frank
The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron
T he 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
This One Wild and Precious Life by Sarah Wilson
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
1 01 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think by Brianna Wiest
